Friday, December 26, 2003
Had a birthday. Had a birthday. Had birthday, the other day. The other day i had a birthday, and i'm older, glad to say. And why not blog about it. if i hadn't another birthday, i would not be able to blog at all, and that's something to be happy about. Birthday's are not a big deal unless it's your own birthday. When your children are young, their birthdays matter quite a bit. As they grow older, they aren't planning ways to involve their parents in birthday celebrations. Not most children. And thus birthdays become your own. When your birthday is during Christmas week, as mine is--two days before--nobody at all cares if it's your birthday. I hardly care. Who has time? All the Christmas tadoo.
The birthday comes anyway. Here comes the end of another year. First the birthday, then the end of the calendar year. The earth spins on. One morbid thougt follows the heels of another. What would the earth do if i wasn't having another birhday? It would continue to spin. And the thought of spinning time away without being present to watch it pass by, is just almost too eery to contemplate. Let's stop there and watch. Spinning spinning....see anything different? If not, the thought occurs to me, that perhaps that is what life is about, or should be. Being present in such a way that when the birthdays stop, the spinning is not the same. Looking for ways to make that true is key to the life experience. Not that the world should spin around me...but that what i do should so make a difference in the world, that my presence changes the spin.
I remember when my father died, my world was affected. Life as the day knows it suddenly changes, at least for a few days and then some. But on the news and in the paper, the world spins the same. It's as if there are two worlds--the one you are living in and the one that is spinning around that life. As if they don't even touch.
I believe that i have done things that have changed the world. Things i've said that have had an effect on the minds and actions of others. On occassions, that is a good change and other occassions, i am sorry to say it has not doubt led to no good.
When i think of those whose lives have changed mine, the list is long. Perhaps they don't even know they are on my list. That's the world for you. One action pushed against another and another until the shear momentum of the movement is the energy that we call life. Nothing i do is insignificant because even what i avoid doing and neglect to do has an immediate effect on the momentum of life. And that is why it is so important to be aware of every action. Not a mindless series of self-centered pleasure or self-interest guided agendas. And isn't it easy to say MY plan of action is best for the world? It's only my opinion after all. No one is right, maybe. Or more right than the next person's plan. Some people believe they may be wrong but they are never in doubt. These people are morons. The possibility of humility does not exist for them. But that's not what i am thinking about this birthday.
What i'm thinking about is what do i have to give or have given a world that won't stop spinning when i'm gone?
Two days after my birthday the whole fam-damily came to dinner for Christmas. Like a ride at the fair, it started out slow and at the top of the first hill i knew there was no getting off the ride. No matter how many bloody Mary's i drank. The deal with dinner is someone is going to be busy cooking and serving and everyone else is going to be busy telling that person how to do it. i counted at one point ten people in the kitchen at once. When they were all seated around the extra large dining room table, i was still in the kitchen tending to the gravy. One look at the beef which was on the done side of done, told me the gravy was likely necessity. There i was alone in the kitchen except for the dog. The dog was being very pesty. Whining and pacing. So, i thought i'd feed her some scraps. No one who ate the gravy knows about the gravy and the dog unless they read this blog, which is highly unlikely. I fed the scraps from the carving tray to the dog, in her dish and added some dog food just so she wouldn't be too spoiled, and i had a thought to add some of the gravy that i'd been stirring for 11 minutes while my food got cold in the dining room. The gravy was hot hot hot on her cold dog food, so i stirred it--with the spoon i'd been using in the gravy. I meant to rinse it off or get a new one, but just on habit i dipped it back into the gravy and as soon as i knew what i'd done i removed it. Doubtless too late. it had contaminated the gravy with dog food, i was sure. I was also sure i wouldn't eat the gravy. i poured it into a suitable gravy boat and set it on the table. They passed it around.
That's not the most disgusting thing involving the dinner, but i won't even blog about the other incident. maybe someday.
The birthday comes anyway. Here comes the end of another year. First the birthday, then the end of the calendar year. The earth spins on. One morbid thougt follows the heels of another. What would the earth do if i wasn't having another birhday? It would continue to spin. And the thought of spinning time away without being present to watch it pass by, is just almost too eery to contemplate. Let's stop there and watch. Spinning spinning....see anything different? If not, the thought occurs to me, that perhaps that is what life is about, or should be. Being present in such a way that when the birthdays stop, the spinning is not the same. Looking for ways to make that true is key to the life experience. Not that the world should spin around me...but that what i do should so make a difference in the world, that my presence changes the spin.
I remember when my father died, my world was affected. Life as the day knows it suddenly changes, at least for a few days and then some. But on the news and in the paper, the world spins the same. It's as if there are two worlds--the one you are living in and the one that is spinning around that life. As if they don't even touch.
I believe that i have done things that have changed the world. Things i've said that have had an effect on the minds and actions of others. On occassions, that is a good change and other occassions, i am sorry to say it has not doubt led to no good.
When i think of those whose lives have changed mine, the list is long. Perhaps they don't even know they are on my list. That's the world for you. One action pushed against another and another until the shear momentum of the movement is the energy that we call life. Nothing i do is insignificant because even what i avoid doing and neglect to do has an immediate effect on the momentum of life. And that is why it is so important to be aware of every action. Not a mindless series of self-centered pleasure or self-interest guided agendas. And isn't it easy to say MY plan of action is best for the world? It's only my opinion after all. No one is right, maybe. Or more right than the next person's plan. Some people believe they may be wrong but they are never in doubt. These people are morons. The possibility of humility does not exist for them. But that's not what i am thinking about this birthday.
What i'm thinking about is what do i have to give or have given a world that won't stop spinning when i'm gone?
Two days after my birthday the whole fam-damily came to dinner for Christmas. Like a ride at the fair, it started out slow and at the top of the first hill i knew there was no getting off the ride. No matter how many bloody Mary's i drank. The deal with dinner is someone is going to be busy cooking and serving and everyone else is going to be busy telling that person how to do it. i counted at one point ten people in the kitchen at once. When they were all seated around the extra large dining room table, i was still in the kitchen tending to the gravy. One look at the beef which was on the done side of done, told me the gravy was likely necessity. There i was alone in the kitchen except for the dog. The dog was being very pesty. Whining and pacing. So, i thought i'd feed her some scraps. No one who ate the gravy knows about the gravy and the dog unless they read this blog, which is highly unlikely. I fed the scraps from the carving tray to the dog, in her dish and added some dog food just so she wouldn't be too spoiled, and i had a thought to add some of the gravy that i'd been stirring for 11 minutes while my food got cold in the dining room. The gravy was hot hot hot on her cold dog food, so i stirred it--with the spoon i'd been using in the gravy. I meant to rinse it off or get a new one, but just on habit i dipped it back into the gravy and as soon as i knew what i'd done i removed it. Doubtless too late. it had contaminated the gravy with dog food, i was sure. I was also sure i wouldn't eat the gravy. i poured it into a suitable gravy boat and set it on the table. They passed it around.
That's not the most disgusting thing involving the dinner, but i won't even blog about the other incident. maybe someday.
