Friday, December 26, 2003
Had a birthday. Had a birthday. Had birthday, the other day. The other day i had a birthday, and i'm older, glad to say. And why not blog about it. if i hadn't another birthday, i would not be able to blog at all, and that's something to be happy about. Birthday's are not a big deal unless it's your own birthday. When your children are young, their birthdays matter quite a bit. As they grow older, they aren't planning ways to involve their parents in birthday celebrations. Not most children. And thus birthdays become your own. When your birthday is during Christmas week, as mine is--two days before--nobody at all cares if it's your birthday. I hardly care. Who has time? All the Christmas tadoo.
The birthday comes anyway. Here comes the end of another year. First the birthday, then the end of the calendar year. The earth spins on. One morbid thougt follows the heels of another. What would the earth do if i wasn't having another birhday? It would continue to spin. And the thought of spinning time away without being present to watch it pass by, is just almost too eery to contemplate. Let's stop there and watch. Spinning spinning....see anything different? If not, the thought occurs to me, that perhaps that is what life is about, or should be. Being present in such a way that when the birthdays stop, the spinning is not the same. Looking for ways to make that true is key to the life experience. Not that the world should spin around me...but that what i do should so make a difference in the world, that my presence changes the spin.
I remember when my father died, my world was affected. Life as the day knows it suddenly changes, at least for a few days and then some. But on the news and in the paper, the world spins the same. It's as if there are two worlds--the one you are living in and the one that is spinning around that life. As if they don't even touch.
I believe that i have done things that have changed the world. Things i've said that have had an effect on the minds and actions of others. On occassions, that is a good change and other occassions, i am sorry to say it has not doubt led to no good.
When i think of those whose lives have changed mine, the list is long. Perhaps they don't even know they are on my list. That's the world for you. One action pushed against another and another until the shear momentum of the movement is the energy that we call life. Nothing i do is insignificant because even what i avoid doing and neglect to do has an immediate effect on the momentum of life. And that is why it is so important to be aware of every action. Not a mindless series of self-centered pleasure or self-interest guided agendas. And isn't it easy to say MY plan of action is best for the world? It's only my opinion after all. No one is right, maybe. Or more right than the next person's plan. Some people believe they may be wrong but they are never in doubt. These people are morons. The possibility of humility does not exist for them. But that's not what i am thinking about this birthday.
What i'm thinking about is what do i have to give or have given a world that won't stop spinning when i'm gone?
Two days after my birthday the whole fam-damily came to dinner for Christmas. Like a ride at the fair, it started out slow and at the top of the first hill i knew there was no getting off the ride. No matter how many bloody Mary's i drank. The deal with dinner is someone is going to be busy cooking and serving and everyone else is going to be busy telling that person how to do it. i counted at one point ten people in the kitchen at once. When they were all seated around the extra large dining room table, i was still in the kitchen tending to the gravy. One look at the beef which was on the done side of done, told me the gravy was likely necessity. There i was alone in the kitchen except for the dog. The dog was being very pesty. Whining and pacing. So, i thought i'd feed her some scraps. No one who ate the gravy knows about the gravy and the dog unless they read this blog, which is highly unlikely. I fed the scraps from the carving tray to the dog, in her dish and added some dog food just so she wouldn't be too spoiled, and i had a thought to add some of the gravy that i'd been stirring for 11 minutes while my food got cold in the dining room. The gravy was hot hot hot on her cold dog food, so i stirred it--with the spoon i'd been using in the gravy. I meant to rinse it off or get a new one, but just on habit i dipped it back into the gravy and as soon as i knew what i'd done i removed it. Doubtless too late. it had contaminated the gravy with dog food, i was sure. I was also sure i wouldn't eat the gravy. i poured it into a suitable gravy boat and set it on the table. They passed it around.
That's not the most disgusting thing involving the dinner, but i won't even blog about the other incident. maybe someday.
The birthday comes anyway. Here comes the end of another year. First the birthday, then the end of the calendar year. The earth spins on. One morbid thougt follows the heels of another. What would the earth do if i wasn't having another birhday? It would continue to spin. And the thought of spinning time away without being present to watch it pass by, is just almost too eery to contemplate. Let's stop there and watch. Spinning spinning....see anything different? If not, the thought occurs to me, that perhaps that is what life is about, or should be. Being present in such a way that when the birthdays stop, the spinning is not the same. Looking for ways to make that true is key to the life experience. Not that the world should spin around me...but that what i do should so make a difference in the world, that my presence changes the spin.
I remember when my father died, my world was affected. Life as the day knows it suddenly changes, at least for a few days and then some. But on the news and in the paper, the world spins the same. It's as if there are two worlds--the one you are living in and the one that is spinning around that life. As if they don't even touch.
I believe that i have done things that have changed the world. Things i've said that have had an effect on the minds and actions of others. On occassions, that is a good change and other occassions, i am sorry to say it has not doubt led to no good.
When i think of those whose lives have changed mine, the list is long. Perhaps they don't even know they are on my list. That's the world for you. One action pushed against another and another until the shear momentum of the movement is the energy that we call life. Nothing i do is insignificant because even what i avoid doing and neglect to do has an immediate effect on the momentum of life. And that is why it is so important to be aware of every action. Not a mindless series of self-centered pleasure or self-interest guided agendas. And isn't it easy to say MY plan of action is best for the world? It's only my opinion after all. No one is right, maybe. Or more right than the next person's plan. Some people believe they may be wrong but they are never in doubt. These people are morons. The possibility of humility does not exist for them. But that's not what i am thinking about this birthday.
What i'm thinking about is what do i have to give or have given a world that won't stop spinning when i'm gone?
Two days after my birthday the whole fam-damily came to dinner for Christmas. Like a ride at the fair, it started out slow and at the top of the first hill i knew there was no getting off the ride. No matter how many bloody Mary's i drank. The deal with dinner is someone is going to be busy cooking and serving and everyone else is going to be busy telling that person how to do it. i counted at one point ten people in the kitchen at once. When they were all seated around the extra large dining room table, i was still in the kitchen tending to the gravy. One look at the beef which was on the done side of done, told me the gravy was likely necessity. There i was alone in the kitchen except for the dog. The dog was being very pesty. Whining and pacing. So, i thought i'd feed her some scraps. No one who ate the gravy knows about the gravy and the dog unless they read this blog, which is highly unlikely. I fed the scraps from the carving tray to the dog, in her dish and added some dog food just so she wouldn't be too spoiled, and i had a thought to add some of the gravy that i'd been stirring for 11 minutes while my food got cold in the dining room. The gravy was hot hot hot on her cold dog food, so i stirred it--with the spoon i'd been using in the gravy. I meant to rinse it off or get a new one, but just on habit i dipped it back into the gravy and as soon as i knew what i'd done i removed it. Doubtless too late. it had contaminated the gravy with dog food, i was sure. I was also sure i wouldn't eat the gravy. i poured it into a suitable gravy boat and set it on the table. They passed it around.
That's not the most disgusting thing involving the dinner, but i won't even blog about the other incident. maybe someday.
Monday, December 22, 2003
It looks as though nothing has been written lately on this blog. And that's true BUT....now there is a "your turn" link that allows readers --all one of them-- to comment on the blog entries. That took me several tries. Every time i logged onto the blog edit page, i'd see that i hadn't finsihed with the html for the comment link and it drove me nuts. i made several errors. really only one error, but didn't catch it and so in trying to fix it, i made more errors. but i deleted them ALL. AND voila, c'est fini.
So, while nothing appears to be actively added since 12-4, i've been behind the scenes. oh yes. and busy busy.
Meanwhile, back at the maison, Christmas looms near. But not as near as my BIRTHDAY! which is tomorrow. hello.
No big plans. I'm thinking latte in the tub. PJ's til noon.
The shoppers have been out in force these last few days. I've avoided the real jams. Off the beaten tack shopping for me. Went to the Botanical Garden today. Lovely train and poinsetta display. Too yicky outside to walk about. Just sat and chatted with PH. Near a window. When I left I cruised the spice shop in Maplewood and bought a few gifts. Traffic was not nice. the highway was closed. CLOSED. Had to find an alternate route home. I was starving, but luckily had a loaf of great bread in the car--quickie stop at the food mart--and some ice tea.
Bread and tea. What more does a body need?
So, while nothing appears to be actively added since 12-4, i've been behind the scenes. oh yes. and busy busy.
Meanwhile, back at the maison, Christmas looms near. But not as near as my BIRTHDAY! which is tomorrow. hello.
No big plans. I'm thinking latte in the tub. PJ's til noon.
The shoppers have been out in force these last few days. I've avoided the real jams. Off the beaten tack shopping for me. Went to the Botanical Garden today. Lovely train and poinsetta display. Too yicky outside to walk about. Just sat and chatted with PH. Near a window. When I left I cruised the spice shop in Maplewood and bought a few gifts. Traffic was not nice. the highway was closed. CLOSED. Had to find an alternate route home. I was starving, but luckily had a loaf of great bread in the car--quickie stop at the food mart--and some ice tea.
Bread and tea. What more does a body need?
Sunday, December 14, 2003
The snow came during the night. All day long, the snow came down. Today, the second day--the second day of the first now fall this year--the ground is white, the sky is grey, and movement is minimal. I have only walked the dog in it, and avoided any other outdoor adventure. Choosing to stay indoors, we've started putting up the Chrsistmas tree. Not much else to do. Well, of course, that's not true, as there is so much to do if one is creative about it. I'm thinking chocolate chip cookies would be a perfect pastime, followed by hot chocolate. A trip to the shopping internet meca is also a creative endeavor, of a sort. My mission at the present time, is sipping hot cream of wild rice soup while trying to get the internet connection to fail so we can objectively rule out the causes and once and for all fix the problem. Nothing's happening so far.
Thursday, December 04, 2003
I watched a big 18 wheeler turn the tightest corner ever --unimaginable. The line of cars going--let's say--north were stopped at the light and the cross traffic had a green light. The truck pulled out into this very ordinary intersection to make a right turn--going south, and I thought, well-here we go, we'll all be stuck while he does a 10 point turn. Lo! he pulled just so far out and turned the cab and accelerated a bit, then VOILA he pulled right into the appropriate southbound lane. I looked at his face when he passed me, but he didn't seem to be thinking he'd done anything out of the ordinary. Then, another truck a few cars behind him executed the same turn, on a dime.
That's something new.
That's something new.
Monday, December 01, 2003
